Do you ever wonder if you’re on the “right track” in life?
I mean, if you’re reading this, then you’ve got goals and aspirations you want to achieve. Especially as we’re coming into a New Year and new DECADE (2020!).
I know I’ve wondered that. After all, just like you I have goals. I’ve got sticky notes on my computer monitor and around my house to remind me of all the things I’m shooting for.
But I’ve always wondered in the back of my mind if I’m on the right track … like REALLY on the right track.
Because a lot of times I get the sense that I’m achieving things, but they’re not necessarily things that fulfill me at a deep level, you know?
Well, I got the answers I was looking for recently at Tony Robbins’ intensive Date With Destiny event.
It’s a full-immersion, six-day event where Tony completely transforms your thinking, your way of being, and helps you get ALIGNED top to bottom for what will really fulfill you in life.
It makes sure you’re on track to meet your full potential – AKA your destiny.
And in this article, I want to share with you seven of the biggest takeaways I had. Of course, there’s no substitute for going in person. If you can do it at least once in your life, I HIGHLY recommend it.
But I’ll share the seven best things I learned so you can start to implement some of his teachings in YOUR life. Doing so will make you feel happier … more fulfilled … it’ll give you clarity on what’s important to you and why … and will help you LASER FOCUS on what matters and on your goals, which hopefully will be based on everything you discover about yourself.
Now, before I give you the 7 key takeaways, let me quickly get you up to speed on how I even ended up at Date With Destiny.
Because the truth is, I had no idea what it was up until a couple of months ago.
A Chance Encounter And Floating Down A River In Fiji
Earlier this year I had the good fortune of spending a week at Tony’s private resort in Fiji.
I was there with nine other entrepreneurs – guys and gals who are some of the top business owners in the online world. You see, my business partner and I had supported one of Tony’s product launches (along with Dean Graziosi). We did really well and one of the prizes was the stay in Fiji.
Anyhow, while I was there, Tony did a mastermind with us. And as luck would have it, I got to meet this guy named Scott. And guess what?
He just “happens” to be Tony’s head trainer and facilitator!
To make a long story short, one of the cool things Tony did for us was he arranged for us to float down one of the rivers that runs through his resort.
You literally float down the river at night with nothing but a life jacket – no rafts, kayaks, or anything. Just lay back in the river with your life jacket and see the stars in the night sky.
To keep us safe, Tony had us partner up with someone.
So I ended up partnering with Scott. For about 30 minutes floating down this river, we got to chatting. And I was honest with him and told him I’d been wondering if I was on the right track with my life.
What my true destiny was and what would really fulfill me. After all, I’ve achieved a LOT … but I’m kind of left wondering, “Is that all there is?”
That’s when he told me I needed to go to Date With Destiny. He explained what it was about, and I was SOLD.
So I finally went to Florida in December for my very first Date With Destiny experience.
It was life-changing. I consider it to be the ABSOLUTE best personal development event and workshop I’ve ever been to in my life (and I’ve been to a TON of them!).
So that’s the back story.
Now that you’re all caught up, allow me to share …
My 7 Biggest Takeaways From Date With Destiny
What I’m going to share with you here are the seven key takeaways I had that completely redefined my destiny.
It’s what’s aligned me with what I’m going to achieve for the next 10 years of my life.
And that’s what I’m about to share with you now – the seven biggest keys that helped me get to this point right now.
So let’s dive in!
Takeaway #1 – The Six Human Needs
One of my biggest takeaways is what Tony calls the DRIVING FORCE of ALL human behavior.
That’s the “six human needs.”
You see, we all have SIX needs that we try and get met, no matter what. Without these needs, we are not happy, fulfilled, and likely would be on our way to the grave.
That’s how important these needs are.
Here they are:
We all need some degree of certainty in our lives. We need to know that the sun will come up tomorrow. That the earth will continue revolving around the sun. That we’ll have our basic needs like food and shelter, met. That we’ll have air to breathe. That we’ll have money in the bank to pay our bills.
This is what gives us a sense of security and that everything is OK. Without enough certainty, we’ll feel fearful, anxious, and afraid.
This is the total opposite of certainty. Variety is when you have uncertainty.
For example, when you pay to go watch a movie, you’re getting variety. You’re uncertain what’s going to happen next. It keeps your eyes glued to the screen because you WANT to know what’s gonna happen next.
Without enough variety, life becomes dull and boring.
Significance is a need to feel important. You want others to respect you. You want approval. You want recognition. This is significant.
To meet this need, maybe you work your butt off to get a raise or a promotion. Maybe you do a TON of charity work because you want people to KNOW how good of a person you are.
There are lots of ways to achieve this need. Criminals get significance by scaring people (i.e. for example, if a criminal holds a gun to someone’s head, he or she becomes VERY significant in that moment to the victim).
Love & Connection
This one is kind of self-explanatory. We all need love and connection with others in our lives (and with ourselves).
This can come from having great experiences with your family, like while on a vacation. It can be an intimate experience with a partner. It can also be volunteering at a local soup kitchen because you care and want to connect with those less fortunate.
This is anything you do in your personal or professional life where you get growth. Maybe you read a book, or you go to an event like Date With Destiny. Maybe you make a mistake but you learn from it.
Maybe you do a lot of personal work on your hangups and negative emotions. You basically constantly want to evolve and become a better, stronger person.
This last need is simply giving back. You want to contribute to other people’s lives, to your world, etc.
You want to leave a lasting legacy and make this planet a better place than you found it. That’s contribution. It’s all about adding value wherever and whenever you can.
Now, here’s the super important part:
We ALL have these six human needs. HOWEVER –
Everyone tends to prioritize one or two of them. Some people prioritize and value significance and variety.
Others prefer going after more of certainty and growth.
The needs you prioritize will determine the quality of life you lead.
For me, I realized I’d been prioritizing significance and certainty all my life!
Every decision I’ve made … all the goals I’ve set … have been to meet these two needs!
Now imagine … what would happen if I flipped things around, and put love & connection first, along with growth?
I’d get very different outcomes in my life, right?
Well, that’s exactly what I’ve done. I’ve reprioritized my needs and am now constantly seeing how I can experience more love & connection in my life, along with growth.
And I have to say, even though it’s only been a few weeks of having done this, I feel SO much better.
Takeaway #2 – The Cycle of Meaning
Okay, so the second key takeaway is the cycle of meaning.
Tony hammered into us that emotions drive our actions. They’re one of the most powerful drivers there are.
And if you can change your emotions, you can change your life.
What causes us to have the emotions we have?
Well, you would probably say “well, the things that happen to us. If something good happens to us, we get happy, excited. If something bad happens to us, we feel sad or feel pain.”
And this is the game-changer:
External events do NOT determine the emotions we feel!
Instead, it’s the MEANING we give events, that cause us to feel the way we do.
I can’t tell you how life-changing this is!!!
It’s our stories that determine how we feel on a day to day and hour to hour basis.
So what does that mean?
Start telling yourself better stories!
Remember, Tony believes that LIFE IS ALWAYS WORKING FOR US.
If we can accept that premise, then we can always find the silver lining in ANY situation that’s “bad.”
Of course, it’s easy to feel great when things are going our way. The challenge is to change the meaning when things suck.
Like if someone breaks into your car and you find your window smashed in, that totally sucks.
Most people would get angry. Hurt. Maybe even want revenge. Thoughts like “how could someone do this!!” “I’m going to find them and SHOW THEM they messed with the wrong person!”
This would lead to negative emotions.
But if you believe that LIFE IS ALWAYS WORKING FOR ME … then you might think …
“Hmmm … I wonder what good I can take from this … “
Maybe it’s the lesson that what matters in life aren’t possessions, but the relationships we have and the experiences we have with the people we love.
Maybe it’s the lesson that we should be so grateful that we still have a car … some people can’t afford one and many people around the world don’t even have enough to eat or fresh water to drink!
So maybe it’s just a way to remind you how lucky you are to live in a place where you can have a car. Of course, it’s NOT right that someone broke into it. But when you change the meaning, you can come to a solution from a place of being “okay” or neutral, which will make you far more resourceful than if you were blind with rage, anger, or frustration … or sad with thoughts of “oh, poor me … why does stuff like this always happen to me?”
That’s why Tony always says change your meaning, change your life. The new meaning you give any situation will lead to an emotion which then drives your behavior which in turn, helps you get RESULTS.
Takeaway #3 – Your Primary Question
We all have what Tony calls a Primary Question.
This is a question we ask ourselves subconsciously all the time that leads to the “overall” pattern in our life.
For example, my OLD primary question was “how do I protect myself?”
Everything I did – the money I made, the investments I made, how I acted in relationships – it all came from a place of asking this question.
You can guess, this is pretty limiting and can lead to some not-so-good outcomes, right?
Instead of being someone who naturally contributed, loved, and connected with others, I walled myself in, because I could get hurt. I needed to protect myself!
But now that love & connection and growth are my primary needs … I’ve begun changing the primary question of my life. Today, it’s “how can I expand the love within me? Now even more?”
I can’t tell you how much this has changed things for me.
It’s like a weight has been lifted. I find myself giving to others more, trying to contribute … and I no longer go into interactions wondering how I can protect myself from being hurt. This makes me so much more free to be authentic with people I meet and connect with them on a MUCH deeper level than I ever knew before.
Takeaway #4 – The Power Of Incantations
So what is an incantation?
Incantation is a language pattern that you say out loud with gestures and involving your WHOLE body.
This is something you say out loud with your entire body, all your energy, all your being – because Tony says that’s how you really embed it into your nervous system. Tony is huge on this.
In fact, we did incantations throughout the ENTIRE event. And wow! It was super powerful.
In fact, it reminded me of when I used to train with an Olympic boxing coach for 10 years. All the time, he would make me say “I’m a champion, I’m a champion” out loud, over and over.
At first, I thought, this is a little weird, like why am I saying this?
And it was so powerful for me because it wasn’t just when my boxing coach taught me is that it wasn’t just about being a champion in the ring or with boxing, it was about being a champion in all of life, in everything you do.
And you can imagine how when you show up with that attitude and you believe it and you feel it with every bone in selling your body, it’s a game-changer.
And this is what Tony taught us to do as well, the power of incantations.
So take whatever qualities or things you want to embody, and turn them into incantations like “I am strong! I am powerful! I am LOVE!”
It might seem weird or a little cheesy at first. But try it. Say them out loud, with conviction and involve your entire being.
Your life will never be the same!
Takeaway #5 – The Key To Passionate Relationships
So relationships as we know, are one of the most important parts of life and where you can experience so much love, joy, ecstasy and everything in between.
And what Tony taught us is that far too many of us get into relationships as TAKERS, not GIVERS.
I include myself in this. In the past, I thought an intimate relationship was all to make me happy, to fulfill me, to complete me. And that’s completely wrong.
In fact, it’s a recipe for disaster!
Instead, go into a relationship WANTING to fulfill your partner’s needs.
This is why understanding the six human needs is so powerful.
Find out what your partner’s top TWO needs are.
And then for 90 days, do NOTHING but try and fulfill those. Get addicted to doing so.
You’ll see how the relationship completely transforms and becomes intense and passionate – more than you ever thought was possible.
Now for this to work, you want at least ONE of your top two human needs to align with at least one of your partners top human needs.
Otherwise, chances are good you aren’t compatible and can lead to a very conflicting relationship.
Takeaway #6 – Your Values
Next up is VALUES.
We all have values. And we all rank them in order of importance.
For example, you might VALUE honesty, integrity, health and fitness, joy, etc.
Someone else might value adventure, learning, experiences, and travel.
There’s no wrong or right answers here.
The point is to become aware of the things we value. Because that’s how we BEHAVE.
We act out of our values. And we all are either moving towards the things we value or AWAY from the things we do NOT value.
This is what drives human behavior.
So the key is to know what you’re constantly moving towards and want you’re usually moving AWAY from.
For example, you might be moving AWAY from rejection, loss of love, disease, or having people be mad at you.
For me, I value security, growth, adventure, success, and autonomy.
And then what I value moving away from is failure, fear, anxiety, and rejection. We all have towards from values and away from values to take a minute right now and determine what yours have been up until now.
One more quick lesson here…
In addition to our VALUES, we all have RULES that let us know if we’ve fulfilled that value.
So for example, for me, an example of one of my rules might be for security, it might be having a stable source of income, living in a nice place, or a certain amount of money in the bank account. That’s my rule.
So unless I had all those things checked off the box, I wouldn’t be happy because I was, I wasn’t aligned with my values.
And my rules for feeling crappy are what it takes for me to be living in my “away from” values. So maybe for me my rule for failure is not achieving a goal I set for myself. Or I don’t have money to afford something I want. If that happens, then that means I have to feel crappy, because that’s the rule.
We ALL have these rules that we follow unconsciously – i.e. If this happens, then I will feel X.
So knowing that we can CHANGE our rules AND our values so that we make FEELING GOOD EASY.
So for example, my new values are health and energy, lovingness, kindness, learning, growth, and fun.
My away from values now are worry, procrastination, and perfection, negativity, blame, and self-pity. Those are the things I move away from.
So I move towards love and my rule can now be “I can feel love anytime I’m nice to others.” Or, anytime I do something nice for myself (self-care) I can feel love.”
Or it can be something as simple as “If I’m breathing, then I can feel ECSTATIC knowing I’m still alive and kicking!”
Then, it’s the same thing with the values you move away from. So if you wanted to move away from rejection, you can make the rule VERY HARD to fulfill, like “I can only feel rejected if I believe in the illusion that someone can reject me instead of realizing that I am the only person who determines how I feel.”
Takeaway #7 – Your Mission Statement
The final big takeaway is your mission statement.
And you’re probably familiar with this maybe from business or you’ve heard about it from somewhere else.
It’s super simple.
But it’s so important to be aligned with your mission. That’s why we do all the work beforehand with the human needs, the values, the primary question, etc.
It all works together and synergizes.
So I’ll give you an example of my mission statement so you can see what I came up with:
“The purpose of my life is to be an inspiration and teach others what I know, enjoy the experiences I create and do kind things for myself and others.”
See how this is aligned with my new values, with my new top two human needs, and with my incantations, etc.?
When you can get aligned like this on all levels, that’s when magic happens and you become UNSTOPPABLE.
So to sum up, Date With Destiny was AWESOME.
It goes deep into really identifying what a lot of the unconscious behaviors, values, emotions, and drivers are that really running our lives.
And the one thing I’d love for you to get out of this post is to give yourself the gift of really consciously thinking through this and being honest with yourself and what it is that’s been driving your behavior.
Become aware of that.
Don’t attach onto it. Then let it go.
And consciously create what it is you want to move toward in your life.
What do you want your DESTINY to be?
Then use what you just learned to make it super simple for you to experience those things.
I promise you, it will completely change your life!